Hap Shaughnessy's tall tales

One of Hap Shaughnessy's traits is the number of tall tales he tells at any given time to the members of Possum Lodge, usually to Red and Harold. Listed below are all the claims of his by season.

Tall tales by season

Season 1

Episode	Claim
The Big Inboard	Drilled for gunpowder
He-Man Contest	Was a bush pilot who transported felled trees to a sawmill in a raft made out of a real bush
Wind-Powered Boat	Ran a tiger ranch in Kenya The ranch became a farm for either Nylon, Orlon or Dacron

Season 3

Episode	Claim
Car Pool	Can identify a top-secret explosive device The explosive seen was used by both the Israelis and the Turks
The Spawning Grounds	Ate dinosaur meat when he thawed out a frozen dinosaur while leading a group of diggers through Greenland Dinosaur meat is gamier than anaconda, but not as fatty as killer whale
Magnetic Lake	Was an astronaut Met Howard Hughes, "the worst liar [Hap] ever met" Dressing in aluminum foil might allow him to travel in time Ernest Hemingway showed him a trick to starting a boat Made a lot of enemies during his work in the C.I.A.
Fire Brigade	By taking risks, he is responsible for the existence of insulin, passenger-side air bags, and the United Nations (Red adds "lie-detector tests") Jumped the English Channel on a motorcycle
Green Green	Was on the Bismarck Substituted briefly for Richard Nixon as U.S. President
Biosphere Three	Used Morse code to inform his squad he captured an enemy battalion during World War II Had to decline a medal of honor because he had no room on his tunic for any more

Season 5

Episode	Claim
The Driving Test	Fought a whale for "ten, twenty months" by holding onto its tail until it died from exhaustion Thinks the whale in question was the white whale Moby Richard, whom he didn't know all that well.
The Network Deal	Was a member of The Rolling Stones and substituted for Keith Richards when he was sick or had drunk too much
X Marks The Spot	Was an elephant wrestler before that got banned Elephant wrestlers were never respected and that it was after it became a demonstration sport in the 1956 Olympics in Oslo, as a winter event (even though wrestling is usually a summer event) Elephant wrestling is a tag-team sport Hap's tag partner was named Wally
The Lost Dog	Was a Hollywood director and writer on The Sid Caesar Show Knows Clint Eastwood (from Rawhide), Burt Reynolds and Sally Field (from The Flying Nun) When TV made the transition from black and white to color, none of them could make it Fished with writers like Neil Simon and Woody Allen Has a picture of all the actors and writers fishing together with him When Red questions it for the people's sizes, Hap claims they're all closer than others
The Big Thing	Was in the Guinness Book of World Records for: "World's longest kiss" "World's strongest man" "World's fattest man" (972 pounds) "Most weight ever lost by one person" (801 pounds) and "Longest bungee jump" (set on the same day) All of Hap's records have since been broken
The Not-Chicken Franchise	(While trying to get Red to guess the word "Friends" in the Word Game) Hap and Queen Elizabeth are friends (Red guesses "opposites") Hap dated all three women from the TV show Friends (Red guesses Hammy Hamster, The Smurfs, and The Golden Girls) Hap and Robert Redford are best friends (Red guesses "best kept apart")

Season 6

Episode	Claim
The Science Fair	Invented basketball Was involved with Teddy's Rough Riders Did some hush-hush work for the C.I.A., asked to come up a cover story for what he did for a living, and he chose "sports inventor" James Naismith (the real inventor of basketball) was his C.I.A. cover name
The Petting Zoo	His mother was Anastasia, who moved to France and then immigrated to Canada While in France, his mother had a fling with Ernest Hemingway

Season 7

Episode	Claim
Running Of The Bulls	Ran the marathon twice at the 1988 Olympics in Seoul, Korea, representing Sierra Leone Collapsed of a heart attack and had a near-death experience, but was then revived After Harold points out that Hap's near-death experience consisted of scenes from the movie Ghost, Hap claims to have been a technical advisor for the film. Treated everyone near him to a banquet of dogs, which he claims is a Korean delicacy and tastes like wolf
Swiss It Up	Was a member of the Toronto Maple Leafs in 1967, wearing a jersey with the number 13 on it Collected the autographs of all the team members Taught all of the team members how to write, thus explaining how their signatures have the same handwriting as his own
The Movie	Was in the movies with Meryl Streep
Expropriation	Owns a painting originally from the Louvre in Paris
The Splinter Lodge	Was the human cannonball in a local circus Flew 88 miles into the air in nothing but a cape, then landed safely in a haystack
The Good Old Hockey Game	Thinks Santa Claus may have visited his house and bent his fireplace grate

Season 8

Episode	Claim
The Cult Visit	Was a motorcycle stunt jumper long before Evel Knievel
College Life	Mona Lisa, the person, was a member of the Shaughnessy family
The New Monument	(While introducing a prospective new lodge member) Worked at the Casbah Coffee Club and recommended that the club's manager hire The Beatles Was asked to be the manager for The Beatles Was a freelance part-time gigolo and traveled the world
It's A Wonderful Red Green Christmas	Invented Christmas lights Fought against the Nazis during World War II and received the Congressional Medal of Honor from General Montgomery for it

Season 9

Episode	Claim
Lady In Red	Honest John Jonassen asked him for help with Possum Lake's bid for the 1986 Winter Olympics, by bribing the officials His last Olympic gold medal was in pickling
The Bachelor Auction	Owns a white glove once owned by Napoleon Bonaparte, given to Hap by Napoleon's great-grandson, Bob Hap saved Bob's life during a Satan's Choice meeting he attended dressed as a mime
School Bus Blimp	Fought in the Korean War A hand grenade exploded inside his helmet and fractured his skull, requiring a metal colander from a nearby restaurant. The metal has become magnetized to all metals, even aluminum foil His head now only points north
Rent A Wreck	Enlisted with the Manning triplets in the Possum County Light Dragoon Highlanders of Foot Rifles
Curse Of The Mummy	(Testing a lie detector) Swam under both poles, climbed Mount Fuji and landed on the moon Set a land-speed record by mounting a 747 engine to a grocery cart Has his own thermal nuclear generator Met Eisenhower, who wanted him to meet Churchill
The Battle Call	Was a Hollywood movie star
Hurricane Doug	Had his own rock 'n' roll band in the 1950s called Hap Hornet and the Rockin' Drones Had a gold record in 1958: "Gotta Lotta Hotta Watta" Taught Elvis how to play the guitar Knows Ann-Margret
Guinness World Records	Performed with Ringling Brothers, swallowing swords while traversing the high wire doing a headstand on a unicycle seat Courted the bearded lady

Season 10

Episode	Claim
A Very Merry Red Green Christmas	His house is the last stop on Santa's route before returning to the North Pole

Season 12

Episode	Claim
Possum Air	Worked with George Lucas on Star Wars, most notably to change the setting from France to outer space
A Lot Like Christmas	Saw Santa's sleigh (which the Pentagon had confused for an unidentified aircraft) flying near the Soviet Union on Christmas Eve 1963

Season 13

Episode	Claim
The Spelling Bee	Was a chauffeur to a famous boxer in 1964 Had a quantum physics theory and was arguing about it with the people in his limo

Season 15

Episode	Claim
Do As I Do	Supposedly went on to become ambassador to Guam after the show ended