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The Experts is one of the longest-running segments on The Red Green Show, initially taking place in the Lodge basement, where the Lodge Meeting takes place, though starting in season 10, it instead took place in the main lobby of the lodge. Each segment begins with the host saying the catchphrase, "Welcome to the Experts portion of the show, where we examine those three little words that men find so hard to say: I Don't Know!". Red Green appears in every segment as an expert, which is accompanied by another member of the Lodge, including Harold starting in season 11. The host reads a letter from a viewer, which asks the experts a question, usually for a piece of advice. The experts then try to answer the question, often resulting in some bizarre revelation from neither nor both of the experts.

Harold Green is the host of The Experts until Season 9, when he left Possum Lodge to work in Port Asbestos. After this event, several of the other Lodge members hosted The Experts. In earlier seasons, Harold introduced the segment completely on his own. But in later seasons, Harold and the other hosts wait for the audience to complete the introduction by calling out "I don't know!". In the last five seasons, the experts are usually seated on a bench made from the front of a car, whose headlights flash in time with the audience during the introduction.

This segment replaced, and briefly ran concurrently with, Male Call, in which Harold reads a letter from a viewer to Red. However, most of the letters received in Male Call have more to do with the show itself, while letters to The Experts ask more specifically for advice or specialized knowledge. This segment debuted in Season 3 and ran until the end of the series.

Subjects Edit

Season 3Edit

Episode Red's Panelist(s) Subject
Maple Syrup Dougie Franklin A viewer asks about how to deal with someone who is sick and whether or not to see a doctor on it.
Car Pool Hap Shaughnessy A viewer asks about a mysterious item and its usage.
The Spawning Grounds Hap Shaughnessy A viewer asks if venison steaks that have not been refrigerated between fall and spring is safe to eat.
Magnetic Lake Bob Stuyvesant A viewer asks how to entertain his 10-year-old nephew when he comes to visit him for the summer.
Underground Parking Glen Brachston A viewer asks what type of food to prepare for a cookout.
The Tanks We Get Dougie Franklin A viewer asks about the importance of Boolean logic and computer programming.
Fire Brigade Hap Shaughnessy A viewer asks about the secret to living an exciting life.
The New Shirt / Casino Glen Brachston What do women really want?
Bob Stuyvesant
Green Green Dougie Franklin Can you recommend a good vacation spot?
Fuel Conversion Glen Brachston A viewer asks about the fastest, easiest was to lose weight.
The Hidden Mine Hap Shaughnessy Why do some people compulsively lie?
Lake Regulations Glen Brachston How do you tell a child their pet is dead?
Bob Stuyvesant
Cross the Lake Race Dougie Franklin How do I get a woman's attention?
The Salmon Parade Glen Brachston A viewer asks how to change his/her brother who is gay.
The Funniest Video Dougie Franklin How do you know if you're a bad driver?
Biosphere Three Hap Shaughnessy How do computers work?
The Water Park Bob Stuyvesant I'm overstressed, how can I unwind?
The Used Helicopter Dougie Franklin I just wasted 10 years of my life restoring an old car, how can I find meaning in life again?
Possum Lake Regatta Hap Shaughnessy What does this spare car part do?
The Retirement Home Dougie Franklin What was the best car ever built?
Slingshot Skiing Glen Brachston Why did the communist system collapse and could it happen here?
The Possum Olympics Dougie Franklin The money and customs and strange in England, it is strange in Canada too?
Possum Lake Monster Hap Shaughnessy Could you explain the theory of relativity?
The Water Show Bob Stuyvesant My marriage is breaking up, what do you suggest I do?

Season 4Edit

Episode Red's Panelist(s) Subject
The Beef Project Edgar Montrose A viewer asks how to deal with roof shingles that are cracking and curling up.
The Hydrogen Project Edgar Montrose A viewer asks how to deal with seagulls that ruin backyard barbecues.
The Schoolhouse Project Dougie and Ben Franklin A viewer asks who should be with him if he were stranded on a desert island.
The Badger Project Dalton Humphrey A viewer from Portland, OR, asks what would be the perfect gift for a 25th wedding anniversary.
The Electrical Project Dougie Franklin What's your opinion of gays in the military?
Dalton Humphrey Is the best sandwich corned beef and cheese spread or peanut butter and banana?
The Storm Damage Project Edgar Montrose A window is stuck, how can we free it up?
The Ski & Golf Project Winston Rothschild A viewer asks how to deal with nervousness in preparing for a speech.
The Movie Project Edgar Montrose The local mechanics are cheating me because i'm a woman, how can I get fair service?
The Real Estate Project Winston Rothschild My daughter is more successful than me, how can I cope with it?
The Group Photo Project Dalton Humphrey How can I be sure I have enough money set aside for retirement?

Season 5Edit

Episode Red's Co-Expert Subject
Men's Night On The Mountain Edgar Montrose A viewer asks how to get Hollywood to clean up its act on violent movies.
The Driving Test Hap Shaughnessy A viewer asks how to save the whales.
The Satellite Dish Dougie Franklin A viewer from Boston asks how to win back his girlfriend.
The New Doctor Dalton Humphrey What is the best type of wedding gift when it's the third time around for the groom and the fourth for the bride?
The Vertical Grandstand Winston Rothschild A viewer asks if the belief that the average person will hold down his five or six jobs in their life is true.
The Network Deal Hap Shaughnessy What is the greatest rock 'n' roll band ever?
Medieval Times Edgar Montrose My wife just left me, is she serious?
Van Go Winston Rothschild My son doesn't want to follow in my footsteps, what can I do to change his mind?
X Marks The Spot Dalton Humphrey A viewer asks what is the best age for discussing the facts of life.
The Gas Shortage Winston Rothschild Should I stay in school or go get my dream job now?
Trout Season Dougie Franklin A viewer asks how to deal with a woman who always avoids him.
The New Statue Winston Rothschild A viewer asks for the secret to getting a good job.
Bottled Water Dalton Humphrey A viewer asks what to do with a car that is damaged beyond repair.
Floating Church Dalton Humphrey My wife and I are divorcing, how can we fairly divide up our one good piece of funiture?
The Not-Chicken Franchise Dalton Humphrey How can I make my mother's birthday special?
Homemade Cheese Winston Rothschild My wife wants a facelift, how can I convince her she doesn't need one?

Season 6Edit

Episode Red's Panelist Subject
The Science Fair Hap Shaughnessy Is it true that basketball was invented by a Canadian?
Sedgwick The Tenant Arnie Dogan A viewer asks how to take risks without losing his girlfriend.
The Driving Lesson Dalton Humphrey A viewer asks how to get her husband to eat a balanced diet.
The Tax Refund Winston Rothschild A viewer in Cincinnati, OH, wants to save her car rental business.
No Church Kevin Black A viewer is considering buying a cottage in the Possum Lake area.
The Petting Zoo Hap Shaughnessy A viewer wants to know how much of a person's traits is inheritable.
Good Government Kevin Black The drinking water at out new cabin tastes rusty, is there anything I can do?
The Poker Game Arnie Dogan I have failed at all my attempts to have a career, is the world against me or what?
Maxi Golf Buzz Sherwood I'm sick of crime and thinking of moving to Possum Lake, is there much crime where you are?
Bernice's Birthday Kevin Black I there a cheaper way to heat a country home?
The Church Casino Hap Shaughnessy I have learned a lot about animals, should I change by college major to suit that?
The Love Boat Hap Shaughnessy I'm having trouble with bullies at school (from Harold)
The New Lease Hap Shaughnessy Do you think television is a load of crap?
The Baseball Tryouts Arnie Dogan I'm not sure I want to carry on the family business (exotic dancing)
30 Minutes or Free Winston Rothschild I don't have much fashion sense, can you help?
Fund Raiser Dalton Humphrey Why are men bad at word games like scrabble?
Real Estate Dalton Humphrey When I ask my husband to run errands for me why does he always forget?
The Suits Hap Shaughnessy What is is like to be famous, and do you know anyone who is?
The High School Reunion Winston Rothschild How can I get the job of my dreams?

Season 7Edit

Episode Red's Panelist Subject
Running Of The Bulls Hap Shaughnessy A viewer asks if there is life after death.
The Strange Ranger Dalton Humphrey A viewer asks about "empty nest" syndrome.
The Movie Ranger Gord A viewer asks about camping etiquette.
The Stool Pigeons Winston Rothschild A viewer asks whether to vacation in Europe or just North America.
Let Me Count The Ways Winston Rothschild A viewer asks how to appreciate his wife's fruit preserves without actually eating them.
The Splinter Lodge Hap Shaughnessy A viewer asks if it's true that astronauts grow as much as an inch in space.
The Good Old Hockey Game Mike Hamar A viewer asks how she can get her family to turn the TV off during dinnertime.
The Town Mall Buzz Sherwood A viewer asks how to deal with a teenage son that is turning into a rotten kid.
The Winter Carnival Ranger Gord A viewer asks about the seriousness of a snake bite.

Season 8Edit

Episode Red's Panelist Subject
Harold's Leaving Ranger Gord How does lightning affect one's memory and personality?
Neither Rain Nor Sleet Mike Hamar A viewer asks how to avoid attending a high school reunion.
The Cult Visit Hap Shaughnessy Hap suggests a viewer take up motorcycle jumping to get into shape.
The New Monument Earl Battersby A set of twins wants to know if telepathy is real.
Free Apricots Ranger Gord A viewer has a recurring dream that he is Ranger Gord.
Better To Give Than Receive Mike Hamar A viewer asks how to get her husband to stop buying her expensive gifts.
Town Services Contract Mike Hamar A viewer asks how to protect a home from intruders.
It's A Wonderful Red Green Christmas Mike Hamar and Dalton Humphrey "Is there a Santa Claus?"
Dalton Humphrey A viewer asks about the traditions of Christmas.
Mad About You Dalton Humphrey A viewer asks if the family is a man's problem or if it's the man himself.
Bingo Was His Name Ranger Gord A viewer really adores Ranger Gord.

Season 10Edit

Episode Red's Panelist Subject
What a Dump Dwight Cardiff How often to walk a new puppy
Man of the Year Dalton Humphrey I think I have the solution to fix my life, it time travel possible?
Twinning Brian Jacobs Any suggestions for a eulogy to give about a family member hardly ever seen
Lunar Eclipse Dwight Cardiff What can I do to correct my son's laziness?
DNA All the Way Brian Jacobs I'm lazy and not graduating anytime soon, what do you suggest for a career?

Season 11Edit

Episode Red's Panelist Subject
Gladiator Harold Green I'm a happily married man yet I've fallen in love with another woman
The Whooping Crane Harold Green A viewer asks about problems with body odor.
Back To Nature Dalton Humphrey I just got a home barber kit, now I need hats for my whole family
Viva Las Possumus Dalton Humphrey A viewer asks about a guy who has 12 wives.
The Chainsaw Races Dwight Cardiff A viewer asks for tips on skydiving
Something in the Heir Harold Green I like to keep up with new fads, tell me about the internet
Mike Goes Straight Harold Green A viewer asks how to deal with his/her daughter marrying a moron.
Xmas In July Mike Hamar A viewer asks what to do when one discovers a wallet full of money.
Masquerade Marathon Dalton Humphrey A female viewer asks about her husband's bad eating etiquette.
Red Green Does New Years Dalton Humphrey The history behind "Auld Lang Syne".

Season 12Edit

Episode Red's Co-Expert Subject
Day of the Sunflowers Mike Hamar I got my wife a power tool for her birthday, where did I go wrong?
Possum Lake Provincial Park Dalton Humphrey Should I get a hearing aid?
A Lot Like Christmas Hap Shaugnessy Does Santa really exist?
Never Send a Man Dalton Humphrey I'm bothered by my horrible neighbors
Power Struggle Mike Hamar My teenage son is acting up, what can I do about it?
Mr. Possum Lake Mike Hamar I've decided to grow facial hair but I can't decide what kind
The Moosetrap Winston Rothschild Can you tell the status of a couple by where they are seated in a car?

Season 13Edit

Episode Red's Co-Expert Subject
The Earring Dalton Humphrey Men don't share their feelings, why aren't women like that?
Mailbox Wars Mike Hamar What do you think my nightmare means?
The Boat Ramp Dalton Humphrey A younger woman is chasing me, has this ever happened to you?
Comrade Harold Dalton Humphrey How does feminine intuition work?
Spokesman Red Hap Shaughnessy I'm considering cryogenics so I can see the future
The Chain Letter Harold Green What is the best way to stay warm this winter?

The Sinkhole

Charlie Farquharson My adult son is back home, how long do I have to stand for it?

Season 15Edit

Episode Red's Co-Expert Subject
Exit Stag Right Glen Brachston How do I prevent another heart attack?

See AlsoEdit

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